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This modern-day etiquette class guarantees kids won’t miss manners

By Melissa Hirschl

I don’t know about you, but I cringe at the thought of dining out with my 10-year-old son. In fact, anyone’s 10-year-old son.

Correction: I only cringe if the restaurant experience involves an “adult” restaurant--the kind with waiters who speak in subdued tones and present you with leather-bound wine lists.

Oh, and there’s not a crayon to be found in the house--anywhere. However, my son’s (sometimes) amusing dining antics--like dangling spaghetti over his head and making “mystery” drinks from every condiment he can lay his hand on--are not compatible with the fine-dining experience that mom and dad sometimes crave.

Sooner or later he’ll need some serious coaching on the art of fine dining…and believe me, it is truly an art.

Coming to the rescue of myself and other parents in this predicament is Debra Startup, a Kyrene Corridor resident and owner of  Definitely Debra, a new home-accessories, invitation and stationery boutique at Warner and McClintock roads.

Oozing with elegant and upscale artwork, furniture, tables, pillows, glassware, and incredibly clever cards and custom invitations, her store is the perfect venue for her two- and-a-half-hour table manners class for children 7 and up (new brides, too!)

These classes can be the perfect cure for your child’s “culinary anxiety.” And yours.

According to Startup, the Saturday classes were created for kids who are not comfortable in the formal world of dining and entertaining.

“I want to raise their self-esteem by having them feel at ease in a fine-restaurant situation where they need to act accordingly,” she explains.

“They need to know there’s no burping at the table or being rude to waiters. They also need to learn about the topic of silverware, which can be very confusing for children. Even adults can sit at a formally set table and not have a clue where to start.

“Knowing little ‘tricks of the trade,’ like utensil function and napkin placement, will make a big difference.

“Plus, the kids will worry a lot less and feel more empowered.”

Startup hopes that her students will also be more adept at learning proper table manners for home use, and (hopefully) have more respect for others at the table.

“Plus, they’ll be more polished when eating at friends’ homes and hopefully get invited back,” she adds.

“It’s our job, as adults, to make kids feel very good and comfortable; this is one small way we can accomplish this goal. These are skills they will have for the rest of their lives.”

Some other “tricky” tactics covered in class are:

How to eat peas correctly, when and how to pick up chicken, how to cut a piece of steak, how to hold your fork, what glass to use and when, knowing what side waiters serve from in a restaurant, and how to eat spaghetti and lobster.

“There will be a reminder to the kids and adults,” says Startup, “that table manners are one of the first things people will notice when you are a guest at their home or at an event.

“Children really need to know basics like of food etiquette, such not chewing with their mouths open. When I was in the business world, I would see people eat their whole meal with their mouths open, and you could see everything going down--not a pretty sight.”

Not surprisingly, the impetus for creating her eclectic boutique came from Startup’s own passion for entertaining, which she does frequently.

Her sensitivity to manners stems from her childhood, she says--a time when her mother took extra pains to teach table etiquette and to ensure her children’s feelings of comfort. Sunday was the highlight of the week, when her mother consistently laid out a beautifully set table.

Says Startup:

“I know it was hard for her. She worked full time, but she still made sure all our dinners were special. Being at the table was fun because it was where we shared our day, and practiced our table manners; we always remembered to say ‘please’, when making requests.”

Future events at the store include fashion shows, teen makeovers and a self- improvement class. An extra bonus for Girl Scout Leaders: the manners classes count toward Girl Scout merit badges.

Classes begin Saturday, Oct. 4. One class, Table Manners, alternates on successive Saturdays with Table Settings. Time for both: 8:30-11 a.m.  Price: $35 per guest.

The store is located at 1761 E. Warner Road, Suite A-15. Information: (480) 491-0903.

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